Real Daughter: Last day

After my morning and early afternoon of grave chasing and now smelling like old school building, it was time to get ready to meet my cousins.?

It was a baby shower for my first cousin's daughter. The first baby shower I have ever been to for someone in my natural family.?

I was very nervous, it's always nerve wracking to meet new/old family members, especially since there is that "thing" with my first Mother. These people did not even know I existed until 2 years ago, and they only knew what my Mother had said about me. Of course, once people get to know me, they can see right through the lies. I'm not some crazy serial killer adoptee, not some crazy stalker, Im just their niece/sister/cousin and friend. But I always have that thought in the back of my mind that says "You are not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough...why would anyone want anything to do with you when your own mother doesn't ? There must be something seriously wrong with you." I am getting better about quieting those adopted thoughts, but they are still there, whispering to me whenever I am in a new situation with new/old family members.??

??

I got to the restaurant early, because Im anal like that, and ordered a beer. One of my cousin's daughters walked in first and greeted me with a huge smile and a hug. "I can't stop looking at you, sorry if I am freaking you out"- she kept saying that over and over again. I told her Im used to it now and that it was ok.?

All my other cousins came in about 10 minutes later, and the same hugs, smiles and "I can't stop looking at you, sorry if I am freaking you out" proclamation was given by them.?My cousin looks the most like me, we could be sisters. Her husband looks just like my husband. THAT is super weird to me. ?

Her mother, my Aunt K ?(f Mom's sister) was coming. I was nervous about that, even though I was told she had said she didn't care what my Mother had to say about me coming.?When my Aunt walked in, I got very nervous. I didn't know what to do. I stood up and introduced myself to her and her husband, and went to shake her hand, but hugged her instead. It was awkward. Her husband asked again who I was, and I said, "I'm Linda..." "From Ohio."? You know, because God forbid I said "I'm C's daughter." He said, "Oh, yeah, now I know who you are." I didn't know if he was being rude, or just old, but it was uncomfortable.

My Aunt sat at the table in front of me, next to 2 of her friends. They kept staring at me and whispering to each other, as people do when they see the adoptee freak show.?I felt like the new kid in the cafeteria who didn't fit in. Because I was. And although I looked, talked, walked, sit, stood, laughed and ate like everyone, I really didn't fit in, because I'm "new".?

I got up to get dessert and I felt a hand on my waist. It was my Aunt, and she said, "Women in our family are not usually able to wear tights and a tunic, how did you escape getting the L family tummy?" I told her I had it, but I had it cut off surgically, lol. She laughed and said she was sorry she and her friends kept staring, but it was because I am the spitting image of my Mother.?

I asked her if she was retired yet, and she said was approaching that magic date. (She works with Alzheimer's patients) I told her that my a dad was on Aricept and that my natural father has early senior dementia, so her work was very helpful to families like mine.?

She said, "Oh, you have met and still talk to your natural father?" I said, "Of course I do, he's my father!" I'm sure she was surprised, because of the lies my Mother has told my family about my first father. She went on and on about my resemblance to my Mother and my cousins, and that was about it.??

Best part of the night (other than meeting my cousins and seeing the magic of DNA in action) was when my cousin's husband was displaying a gift someone had made for the new baby. It was a framed picture of Italy, because my cousin's hubby's family is straight off the boat. He said, "Linda, you will appreciate this, you're Italian.." Deafening silence, poor guy. My cousin T yelled, "No she isn't, she's one of us..IRISH!"?I almost started crying. To hear someone defend MY truth was something I will never forget and always cherish. ?

In addition to getting to know and love my cousins, I proved to yet another group of people in my n family that I am not a serial killer adoptee, and found more missing pieces to my puzzle. Better late than never.

Source: http://realdaughter.blogspot.com/2012/11/last-day.html

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